


Kissing Frogs

by aflawedfashion



Category: Defiance (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, F/F, First Kiss, Flirting, Romance, accidental date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 19:03:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16959750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aflawedfashion/pseuds/aflawedfashion
Summary: When Irisa wanders into the restaurant where Berlin is having the worst date of her life, Berlin sees the perfect chance to escape her obnoxious fix up, but instead of running away, she accidentally finds herself on a date with Irisa.





	Kissing Frogs

Berlin had gone on more miserable dates than she cared to think about. There were men who tried to sleep with her before they finished dinner and women who disappeared before the bill arrived. If she had been a more introspective person, Berlin might have wondered if she was the problem, but she had never been the type to examine her own faults. She had simply accepted misery as a natural part of dating. Besides, everyone always said you needed to kiss a few frogs before you could find your soulmate.

And she used to believe them… until she found herself suffering through a blind date with a preposterously arrogant man who spoke to her like an insignificant child. After 30 minutes with him, Berlin was ready to swear off dating forever. The idea seemed almost appealing. In fact, joining a convent seemed more appealing than a second date with him. If she had to, she would gladly start Defiance’s first convent to prevent him from ever approaching her again.

She was halfway through architecting her convent and formulating a list of questions to research (like if you strictly had to be a practicing Catholic) when she realized it had been at least 5 minutes since she had heard a word her date had said. Even longer since she had spoken.

Her gaze drifted to a couple sitting across from them. A woman brushed her hand against her date’s bicep as they softly laughed while leaning towards each other like they couldn’t stand to be separated by mere inches. Jealousy squeezed Berlin’s chest, and she had to look away.

Berlin didn’t actually want to give up dating. What she wanted was a real date brimming with passion and romance, not whatever she was suffering through in this restaurant. This could not be called a date. This was torture.

She comforted herself with a reminder that the food was delicious and her date had started the evening by announcing to the entire restaurant that he would pay for her meal in some sort of old-world romantic gesture. Maybe Berlin should have recognized that as the first sign he wasn't her type, but it was also kind of sweet, and she wouldn't turn down a free meal.

“So what do you think?” her date asked. A question about a story Berlin hadn’t heard.

“I think stained glass windows should make a come back,” Berlin said with a disinterested smile before taking a sip of her wine. It truly was delicious, almost worth the torture.

Her date’s jaw unhinged in confusion. “What does that have to do with collapsing economies?”

“Well...” Berlin began crafting a story about how economic collapse impacted art and religion when he cut her off with a flick of his wrist.

“Don’t worry.” He patted the back of her hand. “I know it’s probably too complicated for you to understand. I shouldn’t have gone so far out of your league. Maybe we should talk about something you’re more familiar with… like fashion or children.”

“I…” Berlin stammered, ripping her hand away from him as if he had suddenly caught on fire. “I own four outfits, including the one I’m wearing right now, and I have zero children. What makes you think I could possibly be interested in talking about fashion or children?”

“Oh, well, Amanda said you were interested in finding someone, you know, settling down, so I figured that must mean you want children, and what woman doesn’t love fashion?”

“I can’t believe Amanda thought we would be a good match,” Berlin said, and just as she finished her sentence, she bolted upright in her seat, her eyes going wide. Suddenly, everything made sense. This wasn’t a setup. It was revenge. She should have known by the sparkle in Amanda’s eyes when she suggested this “date.” That sparkle was reserved for a new bottle of scotch… and, apparently, revenge.

“I have mentioned to her how attractive I find you.”

“Oh.” Berlin could feel her soul attempting to leave her body. “I wish you hadn’t,” she said as she noticed a glimmer of light reflecting off a knife followed by a flash of distinctive red hair. “Thank god.” Her soul decided to hang on just a little longer. She had never been so relieved to see Irisa in her entire life.

“Hmm?” her date asked as if he wasn't sure she had spoken.

“I just saw Irisa walk in.” Berlin nodded towards the entrance where Irisa was waiting in line.

“Ah,” he said, not bothering to look up. “Don’t know her.”

“Irisa Nolan - the lawkeeper who nearly ended the entire world like 2 years ago,” Berlin clarified. No one could be so piggishly self-centered that they wouldn’t notice an apocalypse nearly falling on their own head. “You must have heard of her.”

He shook his head. “It’s a big town.”

“No, it’s not.” Berlin searched his face for any hint of recognition, any hint he was human, and not, in fact, a robot doing a poor imitation of one. “Ok, remember the book, Amazing Goddess of the Badlands? This whole town was talking about it for months. That was about her.”

“Not ringing a bell.”

“Seriously? Do you have any friends? Acquaintances… a milkman?”

“My milkman is my friend, but he doesn’t read.” He shrugged and took another bite. ”Doesn’t matter, anyway. I find it hard to keep track of people

“That's not surprising,” Berlin mumbled, signaling for the waiter to bring her another glass of wine. “That would require taking an interest in someone other than yourself.”

“Frankly, only criminals should know who the lawkeepers are,” he continued without acknowledging the insult. “I don't really understand why I should know them.” A playful smile crossed his face, and he winked. “Except for you, of course.”

“Of course,” Berlin said through gritted teeth, focusing all her willpower on not stomping his foot under the table. “But you do at least know who the mayor is, right?”

“Absolutely. Hot blonde in tight pants. She arranged this whole thing.”

“What’s her name?” Berlin asked like she was interrogating a deliberately obtuse criminal.

“Something about a flower,” he shamelessly uttered.

“A flower.” Berlin’s head dropped. “Really?”

“I’ve always been bad at understanding women.” He shrugged like it meant nothing.

“No shit.” Berlin knew pressing the matter was pointless, but she couldn’t help it so, she said, “But knowing a woman’s name isn’t exactly understanding women. It’s common courtesy. And the mayor no less!”

“Huh, well,” he said. “I guess you make a good point.” He pointed his fork at he in agreement. “I’ll be sure to remember her name.”

“Fantastic.” Berlin’s voice dripped with sarcasm she was sure he didn’t understand. “I guess that’s a start.” Unable to look at his face without punching it, she searched the line for Irisa and found her heading towards the door. If she didn’t act now, she would lose her best excuse to make a swift exit. “Irisa!” she shouted so loudly that half the restaurant glared at her.

Her date flashed Berlin a satisfied smile.” You want me to meet your friends already. I’m flattered.”

“Something like that,” Berlin said as she smiled apologetically at the couple next to them for interrupting their date.

“What?” Irisa blurted out as she reached their table.

“Just… wondering what brings you here.” Berlin cringed at her own awkwardness. At that moment, she realized she had never coordinated a bad-date-escape-plan with Irisa, a plan she had always hatched with her friends in the E-Rep.

“Dinner,” Irisa stated, holding up the container of food in her hands as if it wasn’t completely obvious.

“Great.” Berlin nodded with unnecessary enthusiasm. “Great. That’s really… great. So great. Just… great.”

“Hi, I’m Jack.” Her date extended his hand to Irisa who stared at it a moment too long before giving it a half-hearted shake.

“Irisa,” she replied.

“Join us,” Berlin commanded, grabbing Irisa's arm and pulling her into the booth beside her.

“Isn't this a date?” Irisa’s gaze darted between the two of them. “I just wanted food, not a threesome.”

“It’s not like that,” Berlin said before whispering into Irisa’s ear, “If I have to sit here alone with this man for another minute, I’m going to kill him, and you will have to throw me in jail, so please just get me the fuck out of here so you can avoid spending the night filing homicide charges.”

“Oh.” Irisa turned to Jack. “We’ve met.”

“I’m sorry. I must have forgotten.”

“You always do.” Irisa looked directly into his eyes, her words completely devoid of emotion. A hit woman taking in her target. “I’d be surprised if you remembered.”

Squirming under her scrutiny, Jack said, “Berlin tells me you’re a lawkeeper.”

“Yes.” Irisa continued to stare unblinking into his eyes like she could see into his soul. “We work together.”

“So, you two must be close, putting in all those long hours at the station.” It was a pitiful attempt at small talk that would have seemed innocuous had he tried it on anyone other than Irisa.

“Physically close, yes,” Irisa said, and Berlin leaned back to enjoy the show. Irisa could get under someone’s skin better than anyone she had ever met. “But we don’t talk much,” Irisa added.

“Oh.” His smile dropped.

“I like to play with knives,” Irisa said. “Sometimes we play together.”

“Ah… huh.” He laughed uncomfortably. “I can’t tell if that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever heard on a date or if you’re secretly plotting to murder each other.”

“Depends on the day.” A frightening passion flashed through Irisa’s eyes, a calculated dare, a deliberate challenge. “But our tensions have never been much of a secret.”

“Oh, I thought…” he trailed off, turning his attention to Berlin. “Amanda said you were single.”

“I am,” Berlin said.

“So the knife play is…”

“Sometimes you have to blow off a little steam.” Berlin could hardly contain her amusement as the woman beside her maintained a calm, emotionally detached expression. Berlin wished she could pull off that look, but she couldn’t help showing her true feelings. The worst date of her life had just transformed into one of her best.

“This is an act, right?” Jack asked.

“Do I look like someone who jokes about knives?” Irisa ran her fingers over the leather that strapped her blades to her thigh.

Jack laughed awkwardly again. His brain seemed to be backfiring, only capable of a single reaction. “No, I guess you don’t.”

“You’re right. I don’t. Because my father taught me well.” She flashed a carefree smile, quite possibly the most frightening thing she could have done at that moment. If Berlin hadn’t known Irisa was fucking with him, she probably would have arrested her on the spot.

“Do you like knives?” Irisa continued.

“I thought you said you weren’t looking for a threesome.” Redness burned at Jack’s cheeks as he straightened his napkin. Berlin didn’t know if it was out of fear or embarrassment until he said, “And now here you are hitting on me,” and he smiled jokingly. That’s when Berlin realized he couldn’t imagine a world where everything didn’t involve around him.

“I just want to know if you like knives,” Irisa said. “You’re making a lot of assumptions about how I like to use them.”

The nervous chuckle returned. “Only for cutting my steak.”

“A shame,” Irisa said. “Because Berlin appreciates all their uses, and if you don’t, I’m not sure you two are a good match.” Irisa placed her hand on Berlin’s thigh. “Thankfully she’s already found someone who isn’t afraid of a sharp edge.” With a seductive glance that would put a seasoned night porter to shame, Irisa brought her hand up the side of Berlin’s body and pressed a kiss to her lips. It was passionate, yet soft like they had kissed a million times before, like this was the first of many yet to come that night. When their lips finally parted, and their eyes finally opened, Jack was gone.

“Fuck.” Berlin struggled to catch her breath. “That was good.”

“The kiss or the story?” Irisa asked.

“Honestly, both.”

“It’s been too long since I’ve had to con someone like that,” Irisa said. “I was worried I might have gotten rusty.”

“Not. At. All. My E-Rep friends usually just faked a sick cat to rescue me from a bad date, but that show you just put on… that was truly brilliant.”

“It’s what I do,” Irisa said. “Or… what I used to do before Nolan and I  came to Defiance, before I had to figure out how to live like a regular person… not that I’ve succeeded at it. If I had, I would have faked a story about a sick cat rather than making out with you.”

“You miss that life?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Irisa said. “Towns are so dull - lifeless.

“Not this one,” Berlin said.

“Maybe not, but it’s still nothing like the badlands.”

“Can I get you ladies anything?” a waiter asked.

“Water.” Irisa opened her food and turned to Berlin as the waiter retreated from their table. “Just you and me now,” she said. “I can’t imagine this is the date you were hoping for.”

“After that kiss…” Berlin bit her lip, the taste of Irisa’s lip balm permanently pressed into her memory. “This is already turning out far better than I was hoping for.” Her heart was still racing, her nerves still dancing. She had forgotten that a simple kiss could change everything she thought she knew, forgotten that a freshly discovered passion was the most exhilarating feeling in life.

Irisa glanced at Berlin with pure confidence, but instead of bragging she asked, “Why were you out with such an asshole anyway?”

“Blind date,” Berlin said. “How do you know him?”

“He’s an economist who works in the Darby building. I once caught Nolan and Amanda arguing over which one of them would ask him for a favor… then they noticed I was in the room and sent me.”

“So Amanda hates him?”

“That’s an understatement.”

”I should have known,” Berlin said. “She set me up with him,” and Amanda wasn’t a matchmaker. The woman had no instinct for romance. She was caught completely off guard that she herself had actually fallen head over heels in love someone.

Irisa nearly dropped her fork into her food with shock. “You’re serious?”

Berlin sighed and nodded. “Yep. This was all her idea. She said I’d like him.”

“What did you do to her?”

“Nothing!” Berlin shoved a heaping fork full of food into her mouth, refusing to make eye contact with Irisa.

Irisa tilted her head to the side in disbelief. “You did something.”

“Ok, fine…” Berlin ran her fingers through her hair until they were resting at the base of her neck. “I may have told her that she was wearing her hair like an 8-year old one day, and if she wanted to be taken seriously, it might not be the best look.” Berlin cringed at the memory. “I mean, I know there are only so many ways to wear a braid, so she needs to get creative, but that was not the good kind of creative.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Irisa said. “Even I could tell you that was a bad idea.”

“I was just trying to share some friendly advice.”

“Don’t give Amanda hair advice.”

“I see that now.” Berlin reached for her wine. “I’ve learned not to risk the wrath of Amanda Rosewater.”

“At least the food is good here.”

“I know,” Berlin said. “If this were cheaper wine, I would have thrown it in that asshole’s face without hesitation, but it is possibly the best I’ve ever had.” Berlin shared her glass with Irisa. “Seriously, try this.”

Irisa took a sip and handed it back. “I can see why he took you here. I’d probably put out if you bought me this too.”

“If only I had known it was that easy,” Berlin smirked. “Would have spiced up that night we spent waiting for a robber who never showed.”

“Or you could have just asked.”

“You don’t seem like the type who likes to be asked out to a nice restaurant.” Berlin lowered her voice so no one else could hear. “I think you like to be shoved against a wall in a back alley with no regard for who might catch you.”

“I usually do the shoving,” Irisa whispered before adding in her regular voice, “but you’re right. I’ve never been on a real date in a restaurant like this. I always made a point of not dating, but I’m not sure why anymore.”

“You can’t be serious,” Berlin said. She was both surprised, and not surprised at all, but mostly she felt an unexpected twinge of understanding and compassion for her former enemy. “I know you’re a little strange, but never? Not even once?”

“Nope.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything.” Berlin held her glass up for a toast, hardly realizing the significance of what she was saying. It just felt natural.

Irisa clinked their glasses together, as was the ritual. “Are you saying this is a date?”

That was precisely what Berlin was saying, but when forced to acknowledge it directly she wavered internally but played it cool by saying, “We made out in a fancy restaurant. Sounds like a date to me.”

“I guess you’re right.” Irisa looked into Berlin’s eyes with an unfamiliar nervousness. Their con job had transformed into an honest conversation without either of them realizing it. “I’m sure this isn’t weird for you. You must go on dates in fancy restaurants all the time, like normal people.”

“I used to think entering into a string of endless dates, failed relationships, and meaningless hookups with nameless night porters was how everyone dated,” Berlin said. “If I have learned one thing in my 30 years on this planet, it’s that life is brutal. Life tries to destroy you at every turn, but if you fight with everything you’re capable of giving, you can survive. And the lucky ones can fall in love, but me… well, I think I’ll probably spend the rest of my life kissing frogs because I will never be one of the lucky ones.”

“I know how you feel.” Sadness underlined each word Irisa spoke. “But they weren’t all frogs

“No,” Berlin said. “They weren’t.”

“But only the frogs survive.” Irisa gently touched Berlin’s hand, before swiftly pulling it away like she was afraid it was the wrong move. They shared a loss they would always struggle to communicate. “Everyone else is too good for this fucked up world.”

“Yeah.” A soft smile crossed Berlin’s face. “But, given that we’re still here, does that mean we’re frogs too?”

“Definitely,” Irisa said with a natural levity, their conversation effortlessly flowing from thoughts of the past to thoughts of the future.

“Well, at least we’re good looking frogs,” Berlin joked. “Hot frogs with knives.”

Irisa stared at Berlin a moment, processing her words before cracking up in a fit of genuine laughter undercut by the uneasy restraint of a woman who didn’t laugh very often. It was sweet but confusing. While Berlin’s comment had been light-hearted, it wasn’t exactly a work of comic genius.

“What?” Berlin asked through a slight chuckle. Even though she didn’t understand the reason for it, Irisa’s soft laughter was contagious.

“Nothing.” Irisa shook her head with embarrassment over her uncharacteristic outburst. “Just don’t think about what a frog in a red wig would look like.”

Of course, now Berlin had no choice but to picture it. “A little red-headed frog kissing a little brunette frog in a restaurant… just trying scare away the frog who thought he was a prince.” Berlin smiled. “It’s kind of a cute image actually.”

“No.” Irisa shook her head, chasing away the last of her laughter. “That’s the least cute thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Actually, it’s so adorable, they would make a children’s book out of it.”

“Frogs in children’s books never threaten to knife their friend’s creepy dates,” Irisa stated.

“In mine, they will,” Berlin said. “I think children need to know how to deal with asshole dates. They’ll eventually grow into adults, and when they do, they’ll appreciate the valuable life lesson.”

“You’re not actually going to write this...”

“Maybe,” Berlin said, already plotting to write the sleaziest disaster of a frog story she could imagine and slip it under Irisa’s Christmas tree. “I think this could be good.”

“You’re acting ridiculous.” Irisa turned away from Berlin to hide the amused smile that threatened to betray her true feelings. “Just eat your food.”

“Hey, don’t act like the bigger person here,” Berlin said. “You started this.”

“I did not start this. Frogs were definitely your metaphor.”

“Which made you laugh for the first time since I’ve known you - entirely because _you_ chose to bring up a frog wearing a red wig.”

“Only because you made me.”  

“What? _I_ made you? _Me_?” Berlin cast a fleeting glance at Irisa’s knives. “I can’t make you do anything. You’re the one who never goes anywhere unarmed.”

“I never know when the knives will be needed,” Irisa said. “And they saved your ass tonight.”

“You think you’re going to need them again tonight?”

A mischievous glimmer flashed through Irisa’s eyes, saying more than words ever could. “Depends on how the rest of the evening goes.”

“Alright… I get it… Excuse me.” Berlin raised a hand to flag down their waiter. “Can we get another bottle of this wine. I have a date to impress.”

“Are you hoping to get me drunk enough to take the knives out or leave them in?” Irisa asked.

“Not sure yet.”

  



End file.
